It’s completely natural to have mixed feelings about being single, especially in a society that often places a high value on romantic partnerships. The pressure to be in a relationship can come from external sources, like family, friends, or cultural norms, but it can also come from within ourselves. We might internalize these societal messages and start to believe that being single is a reflection of our worth or desirability. However, as the research and insights you’ve shared suggest, being single is not inherently a negative state, and it doesn’t mean you’re destined to be unhappy.

Is Being Single Horrible?

The short answer is no. Being single can be a time of great personal growth, self-discovery, and fulfillment. While it’s true that some people may feel lonely or distressed about being single, these feelings often stem from societal expectations or internalized beliefs rather than the state of being single itself. The Buddhist parable of the two arrows is a powerful reminder that our suffering often comes not from the situation itself, but from how we react to it. If we can separate the natural feelings of loneliness or sadness from the shame or judgment we might feel about being single, we can approach our situation with more compassion and clarity.

Are Married People Happier?

The research you mentioned, including the 15-year study from Germany, suggests that marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness. While marriage might offer a small boost in life satisfaction, it’s not a magic bullet for long-term happiness. In fact, the quality of the relationship matters far more than the relationship status itself. A healthy, supportive partnership can certainly enhance well-being, but a troubled or unfulfilling relationship can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and even harm.

The Role of Shame and Social Norms

One of the biggest challenges of being single is dealing with the shame or judgment that can come from others—or from ourselves. Society often sends the message that being single is a problem to be solved, rather than a valid and potentially rewarding way of life. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. However, it’s important to question these beliefs and ask yourself: Do I really believe that being single is shameful, or am I just internalizing what others think? By bringing mindfulness to these thoughts, you can start to disentangle yourself from societal pressures and focus on what truly matters to you.

The Power of Connection

While romantic relationships can be a source of deep connection and intimacy, they’re not the only way to meet our need for connection. Friendships, family relationships, and even connections with ourselves can be incredibly fulfilling. Building strong, supportive friendships where you feel safe to be yourself can provide a sense of belonging and joy that rivals—or even surpasses—what you might find in a romantic partnership.

Singlehood as an Opportunity for Growth

Being single can be a valuable time to focus on personal growth and self-discovery. Without the distractions or compromises that can come with a relationship, you have the freedom to explore your own interests, values, and goals. This might involve reflecting on past relationships, working through unresolved issues, or simply learning to enjoy your own company. Activities like therapy, journaling, meditation, or creative pursuits can help you deepen your understanding of yourself and build a stronger sense of self-worth.

Embracing Your Own Company

One of the most empowering aspects of being single is learning to enjoy your own company. This doesn’t mean you have to be alone all the time, but rather that you can find joy and fulfillment in solitude. Whether it’s through exercise, art, music, or simply spending time in nature, cultivating a rich inner life can enhance your well-being and help you feel more grounded and content.

conclusion

Being single is not a reflection of your worth or your potential for happiness. It’s simply one of many possible life states, each with its own challenges and opportunities. Whether you’re single by choice or circumstance, it’s important to approach your situation with self-compassion and an open mind. By focusing on your own growth, building meaningful connections, and challenging societal norms, you can create a life that feels fulfilling and authentic—regardless of your relationship status.

If you ever feel overwhelmed by the pressures or judgments around being single, remember that you’re not alone. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help you navigate these feelings and build a life that feels true to you.